Almost Lover
by LoveFromShinola
Summary: Because the hardest thing in the world is to forget someone you love. Snape/Lily, songfic to A Fine Frenzy's brilliant 'Almost Lover'.


AN:

I heard this song and, despite having never wrote a song fic before, had to write one for this and the Snily pairing. It fits Lily and Snape so beautifully that if you type the song name ('Almost Lover') into YouTube and then the letters 'Sn' it comes up with 'Almost Lover Snape and Lily'. _That's _when you know a song fits. The way I've worked it out, the song could be from either perspective. While Snape would have been the one saying goodbye to Lily when she died, I don't think Snape is the type of person to ever have said goodbye. Lily is more likely to have said that. So, the first bit will be Lily and some of her memories, then Snape and you get it. So here we go.

**KEY**

_**Bold and Italic = Song lyrics**_

_Italic = Memory_

Normal = Present

_**Your fingertips across my skin,**_

_**The palm trees swaying in the wind,**_

_**Images…**_

'_They're oak trees, Lily! Oak! Not palm! Palm trees _don't grow_ in Northern England.'_

'_Oh, Sev! For once in your life, grow an imagination! Pretend!'_

_She shook her head at him and ran once around the tree. Dizzy, she stopped and he reached out his hand. She tilted her head, quizzically, as the pad of his thumb ran across her knuckles._

'_So, are the palm trees on a beach?'_

_She smiled._

_**You sang me Spanish lullabies,**_

_**The sweetest sadness in your eyes,**_

_**Clever tricks…**_

'_How do you know Spanish, Sev? You've never been out of England!'_

'_Mum sings them to me.' He said, almost brightly, and she looked at him and regretted it. With the look, he remembered what his mother was like these days. Pale and dull and almost lifeless. 'Well,' he continues, head bowed, face flushed, 'she used to.' He looks at her, sad but attempting to forget, and she smiles to cheer him._

'_Well, I think it's brilliant. _I_ don't know _any_ languages. Sing it again.'_

_She lay her head on his shoulder and he began._

_**Well I never want to see you unhappy,**_

_**I thought you'd want the same for me…**_

'Why can't you be happy for me?' She said and the tears in her voice should be enough. They should cut to his soul, like they used to. But he's not her best friend anymore. They're not ten anymore. There are no more palm trees or lullabies. She has stamped on his heart just like he stamped on hers. They've messed things up between them and nothing can ever be the same.

'Why should I?' he says and she searches for the boy in the words, but these days he's more and more difficult to find.

'Because we're _friends, _Sev. Best friends.'

'As I recall,' he starts, and she winces at the coldness in his tone, 'You've barely spoken two words to me since we were fifteen years old.'

'You hurt me!' she screams, tears flooding, heart pounding. This sudden rush of anger, this distraught, choked feeling comes from nowhere all at once. She wants to beat her hands on his chest, yell and rage until he understands that she can't forget him. That she never will, no matter what he did or what she said.

'Yes.' He answers, and her last hopes of reunion slip away, 'And what have you done to _me_?'

_**Goodbye my almost lover,**_

_**Goodbye my hopeless dream,**_

_**I'm trying not to think about you,**_

_**Can't you just let me be?**_

'So this is really it then? We're through? All those years and you're not even going to look at me?'

'How can I?' He's calm, so damn calm. His voice never changes, whether he's angry or sad. He hides it well, but she's been with him since he was nine years old. She's held him while he cried. She knows him more than anyone. He's crying a river inside. 'You've turned your back on me, Lily. You're with him. Don't expect me to clap and cheer. Don't expect me to smile - '

'I _don't! _I don't expect you to like him. Hate him if you want, it's always worked for you before! I don't expect you to be happy for _him_! But maybe for me? Why can't you let me have this? We've hurt each other, Sev. We're both to blame for what's happened between us. But I'm trying to fix it. And you're not – you're not - '

Lily's breathing is fast and strained and she can barely stand. The tears coursing down her cheeks can't seem to stop, one after another, after another and she starts to panic. Her hands flail for something, anything to hold and come to rest against his sleeves. He stiffens, still not turning, but now she doesn't care. She can't stand this, she _won't_ stand it, not anymore. She comes to the front of him, still grasping his sleeves and, like she hasn't done since the summer of 1976, she falls against his chest. He won't move, he won't back down. She's crying onto his jacket but still he stays there, unyielding, until she can bear it no more. Though she knows she shouldn't, though it will complicate things, though she knows it will break her heart and his all over again, she cannot leave without it. And so, for the first time since they were ten, Lily Evans, soon to be Potter, kisses her childhood sweetheart.

_**So long my luckless romance,**_

_**My back is turned on you,**_

_**I should've known you'd bring me heartache,**_

_**Almost lovers always do…**_

He wants to turn around. He wants to take her in his arms and stop her tears. With everyone else he is Snape. He is emotionless and capable and resilient. With her, he is Sev. With this one, red-headed woman, he is everything he is trying so hard not to be. He cannot resist her, he cannot deny her. He dare not look her in the eyes. If he does, what little defence he has will come crashing down. He cannot see her cry. He cannot look at her and remember his best friend in the whole wide world and the times they shared that will always be the happiest of his life.

_**We walked along a crowded street…**_

'_Wow, Sev! It's beautiful!' she skipped and jumped and danced about the place, hopping from one cobble to the next, making everything, just like Lily always did, into a happy game. He stayed silent and she looked back at him, 'Don't you think so, Sev?' she questioned, head tilting in that curious way of hers. 'Don't you think it's beautiful?'_

'_Yeah.' He answered, not thinking of Diagon Alley at all, 'Yeah, it's beautiful.'_

_**You took my hand and danced with me,**_

_**Images…**_

'_It's really easy, watch. Hand on my waist, other hand in mine. Then you step, one, two, three. One, two, three.' After a shaky start, he started to get the gist. 'That's it!' she exclaimed. 'Didn't anyone ever teach you to dance?'_

'_Not much need,' he mumbled, keeping his gaze on his feet._

'_Not much need,' she laughed, 'There's _always _a need for a dance, Sev. Precisely because it's pointless.'_

'_Well then,' he said, and the boy he was with her came out again, fourteen, fierce and free, 'this dance, milady?' And he swung her about the room, lost in the rampant noise of her giddy laughter._

_**And when you left you kissed my lips,**_

_**You told me you'd never forget these images, no…**_

Her lips press to his and he can taste her tears and that taste he's tasted once before. That taste of _her_. He does not move, he does not respond. She seems to realise too late what she has done and withdraws. Her eyes are wide and scared, but pitying all the same. He will not let her look at him like that. He won't let her look at him at all. They're not eleven or fourteen anymore. This isn't a game, it isn't a laugh. _This _is his miserable life.

How could she do this to him?

_**I never wanted to see you unhappy,**_

_**I thought you'd want the same for me…**_

'Get out,' he says, and surprises himself with his venom. He takes his hatred of the situation and turns it on her. He can never see her again. He can never see her happy with Potter. It would destroy him.

_**Goodbye my almost lover,**_

_**Goodbye my hopeless dream,**_

_**I'm trying not to think about you,**_

_**Can't you just let me be?...**_

'Sev,' she starts, the tears still in her voice and he knows if she stays, if she finishes whatever it is she's saying, they'll be back where they were. She'll be happy, but he won't. He can't be just another friend on the outside of her life. He won't do it to himself. He has to make her leave.

'Let me be, Lily!' he fumes, turning on her in a fit of anger. To her credit, she does not move. Even in this state, she knows he'll never hurt her. 'Can't you just go? Can't you just let me hate you?' Smart as always, she can see when she's lost the fight.

She turns, she leaves, and he thinks she isn't going to say a word. Then, at the door, her eyes are on him. Such sorrowful eyes.

'I'm sorry, Sev. Bye.' She raises her hand.

With that last, needless apology, Severus Snape will never see her alive again.

_**So long my luckless romance,**_

_**My back is turned on you.**_

_**Should've known you'd bring me heartache,**_

_**Almost lovers always do…**_

Lily carries on down the street. There is a part of her, a strong, almost yielding part, that wants to run back. But she will not hurt him anymore. She will leave him. She will leave him alone, turn her back, to save him from any more pain. To hear about her from others will be less wounding than seeing it for himself. Her heart aches as she rounds the corner, then, turning in a dizzy circle, with a crack, she apparates away.

_**I cannot go to the ocean…**_

She's far from home when she arrives somewhere, and for a moment she's clueless and scared, but partly uncaring. Then she hears it. The call of the gulls and the endless drag of the sea. She curses herself for not keeping a clearer head, for letting memory influence her destination. They came here once as kids, an ill-fated getaway that ended with them being dragged back home by their respective parents. They'd been grounded under threats of no pocket money, no dinner, no nothing, but they'd snuck out later anyway and met under that old oak tree.

'_Do you think we're near Hogwarts?'_

'_No, Lily, we're in Brighton, silly. Hogwarts is in _Scotland.'

'_How do _you _know that?'_

'_Mum told me. Next to Hogsmeade village in Scotland. You can't just walk there though. You apparate to Hogsmeade if you don't take the train.'_

'_Apparate? What's that?'_

_**I cannot try the streets at night…**_

'_Lily, just jump down! I'll catch you! It's like jumping off the swing; you do that all the time!'_

'_But it's so high, Sev!'_

'_It's not that high. Come on, it's too dark here. It's lighter on the street!'_

'_You'll catch me? You promise?'_

'_Always.' – 'Now get a move on, we'll get caught!'_

_**I cannot wake up in the morning,**_

_**Without you on my mind.**_

'_Sev? What is it?'_

'_They're fighting again. S'alright if I sleep here?'_

'_Sure.'_

_**So you're gone and I'm haunted,**_

_**And I bet you're just fine,**_

_**Did I make it that easy,**_

_**To walk right in and out of my life?...**_

He stands alone in that dusty house, full of bad memories, stale air and old habits. It's colder and darker now than it's ever been. His father is dead, thank Merlin. His mother passed away when he was twelve. And now…now Lily is gone. He's lost in thoughts of her, like a lovesick schoolboy and he at the same time loves and hates the affect she has on him. She'll marry _Potter_. They might even have a family. And he's pushed her into his arms. He's thrown her attempts at reconciliation back in her face and he knows, unless they glimpse each other on a crowded street, he won't see her again. She's on one side, he's on the other. From the moment he was a Slytherin and she was a Gryffindor, he somehow knew things would end this way.

_**Goodbye my almost lover,**_

_**Goodbye my hopeless dream,**_

_**I'm trying not to think about you,**_

_**Why can't you just let me be?...**_

'Ready, Lil?' Her father stands there, beaming and proud, and she smiles back. Bringing her veil to rest with shaky hands, she closes her eyes to steady her racing heart.

'_We'll be friends forever, won't we, Sev?'_

'_Of course we will, Lily. We're best friends. Forever.'_

'_Always?'_

'_Always.'_

_**So long my luckless romance,**_

_**My back is turned on you.**_

_**Should've known you'd bring me heartache,**_

_**Almost lovers always do.**_

Lily Potter – Born 30th January 1960, died 31st October 1981

'I'll – I'll do what I can, Lily. I promise. I'll try to keep – to keep him safe.'

'_We're best friends. Forever.'_

'_Always?'_

'_Always.'_

**AN:**

**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! EVEN TO SAY IT'S RUBBISH. ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING.**


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